The infertile gal's version of Alexander and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
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Alexia and the Terrible, Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day
I
went to sleep with my contacts on and now my eyes hurt like a bitch and when I
got out of bed this morning I tripped on the cat and by mistake I dropped my
Pulling Down the Moon vitamins in the sink while the water was running and I
could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
On
Facebook Amber announced she was going into labor and on her way to the
hospital and Nicole posted a picture of her first ultrasound, but in my uterus
all the tech found was an empty uterus with a thin lining and no dominant
follicles.
I think
I’ll move to Infertile Island.
At
the blood lab the phlebotomist drew a tiny vial of blood from Barbara. Angela and Elizabeth got tiny vials too. I said I was being pinched. I said I was blowing a vein. I said if you don’t stop moving that fucking
needle around I am going to faint. No
one even answered as the phlebotomist filled three big vials.
I
could tell it was going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
At
work Mr. Dickens liked Paul’s proposal to attend the ECAP conference in Boston
better than my proposal to attend NACE conference in Los Angeles.
At
the client meeting he said that I talked for too long. At the budget meeting he said I left out the
WAT Sheet. Who gives a rat’s ass about the
fuckin’ WAT Sheet? I could tell it was
going to be a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
I
could tell because Paul said he didn’t need my help on the big project
anymore. He said he’d be able to finish
it with Philip Parker and maybe Albert Moyo if it was getting close to the
deadline and he’d only call on me if the shit hit the fan and they were really
far behind.
I
hope you sit on a tack, I thought to Paul.
I hope the next time that you’re up for that big ass promotion at the
last minute the company decides it’d be cheaper to outsource to India.
There
were two bacon-wrapped fillet mignons in Philip Parker’s lunch bag and Albert
had a stuffed chicken breast with fresh green beans and Paul had crab rangoon with
the warm creamy filling and the delicate flaky crust. Guess who forgot to go shopping and only has
bread and peanut butter for lunch?
It
was a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day.
That’s
what it was because in the afternoon the nurse called my cell and said that Dr.
Fields had reviewed my lab work and found the MTHFR gene mutation in me. Come in next week and Dr. Fields will discuss
your options. Next week, I said, I’m
going to Infertile Island.
On
the way downstairs the elevator door closed on my foot and while we were
waiting for my boss to come down Amy shoved a picture of her daughter’s
Halloween photo in my face and then I wanted to cry because of the photo and
Nathan asked when were my hubby and I gonna pop out a kid and…
…while
it took every ounce of my being not to punch them both my boss came down and
rushed out the door and scolded me for daydreaming and walking too slow.
I
am having a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day, I told everybody. No one even answered.
So
then we went to the conference room to discuss who’d be doing what projects
next quarter. Amy chose the awesome
first choice project and Nathan chose the interesting second choice project and
I chose the easy third choice project, but the director said it had been
canceled. They made me take the one that’s
about as fun as watching paint dry, but they can’t stop me from making the
interns do it.
When
I picked up my dear husband at his office he said it wasn’t a good time to
talk, but I forgot. He also said to
watch out for the stack of iPads on his desk and I was as careful as I could be
except for my purse. He also said don’t play
Angry Birds on my cell phone because it was distracting, but I think I accidentally
called Australia as I turned it off. My
dear husband said please don’t pick him up anymore. It was a terrible, horrible, no good, very
bad day.
There
was only tuna fish for dinner and I hate tuna.
There was a Pampers commercial on TV and I hate Pampers.
My
shower was too hot, I got soap in my eyes, my contact fell down the drain, and
I had to give myself a shot. I hate
giving myself a shot.
When
I went to bed DH was fast asleep and hogging it and my reading light burned out
and I got a paper cut. The cat wants to
sleep on the couch instead of with me. It
has been a terrible, horrible, no good, very bad day. My therapist says some days are like that.
Even
in Infertile Island.
