So since Christmas is coming I composed The IF 12 Days of Christmas this morning. I hope this helps to cheer you up.
On the first day of Christmas, my RE gave to me: a bill for an HSG.
On the second day of Christmas, my RE gave to me: 2 follicles and a bill for an HSG.
On the third day of Christmas, my RE gave to me: 3 ultrasounds, 2 follicles, and a bill for an HSG.
On the fourth day of Christmas, my RE gave to me: 4 Ovidrels, 3 ultrasounds, 2 follicles, and a bill for an HSG.
On the fifth day of Christmas, my RE gave to me: FIVE LAB WORK BILLS, 4 Ovidrels, 3 ultrasounds, 2 follicles, and a bill for an HSG.
On the sixth day of Christmas, my RE gave to me: 6 Letrozoles, FIVE LAB WORK BILLS, 4 Ovidrels, 3 ultrasounds, 2 follicles, and a bill for an HSG.
On the seventh day of Christmas, my RE gave to me: 7 blood test scars, 6 Letrozoles, FIVE LAB WORK BILLS, 4 Ovidrels, 3 ultrasounds, 2 follicles, and a bill for an HSG.
On the eighth of Christmas, my RE gave to me: 8 packs of Clomid, 7 blood test scars, 6 Letrozoles, FIVE LAB WORK BILLS, 4 Ovidrels, 3 ultrasounds, 2 follicles, and a bill for an HSG.
On the ninth day of Christmas, my RE gave to me: 9 bags of Crinone, 8 packs of Clomid, 7 blood test scars, 6 Letrozoles, FIVE LAB WORK BILLS, 4 Ovidrels, 3 ultrasounds, 2 follicles, and a bill for an HSG.
On the tenth day of Christmas, my RE gave to me: 10 sperm reports, 9 bags of Crinone, 8 packs of Clomid, 7 blood test scars, 6 Letrozoles, FIVE LAB WORK BILLS, 4 Ovidrels, 3 ultrasounds, 2 follicles, and a bill for an HSG.
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my RE gave to me: 11 Follistims, 10 sperm reports, 9 bags of Crinone, 8 packs of Clomid, 7 blood test scars, 6 Letrozoles, FIVE LAB WORK BILLS, 4 Ovidrels, 3 ultrasounds, 2 follicles, and a bill for an HSG.
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my RE gave to me: 12 Metformin pills, 11 Follistims, 10 sperm reports, 9 bags of Crinone, 8 packs of Clomid, 7 blood test scars, 6 Letrozoles, FIVE LAB WORK BILLS, 4 Ovidrels, 3 ultrasounds, 2 follicles, and A BILL FOR AN HSG!
If you want a happier ending someone suggested this line to me:
On the thirteenth day of Christmas, my RE gave to me: a beautiful, healthy baby!
Thursday, December 22, 2011
The Sperm Go Marching (to the tune of The Ants Go Marching)
I started writing this on Dec. 21, 2011 and I finished it today.
The sperm go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching one by one, the little one stops to bang a drum.
And they all go marching in, to the womb, to surround, the egg.
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
The sperm go marching two by two, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching two by two, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching two by two, the little one stops to use the loo
And they all go marching in, to the womb, to surround, the egg
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
The sperm go marching three by three, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching three by three, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching three by three, the little one stops to find his key
And they all go marching in, to the womb, to surround, the egg
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
The sperm go marching four by four, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching four by four, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching four by four, the little one stops to give a roar
And they all go marching in, to the womb, to surround, the egg
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
The sperm go marching five by five, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching five by five, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching five by five, the little one stops to do hand jive
And they all go marching in, to the womb, to surround, the egg
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
The sperm go marching six by six, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching six by six, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching six by six, the little one stops to eat some Kix
And they all go marching in, to the womb, to surround, the egg
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
The sperm go marching seven by seven, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching seven by seven, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching seven by seven, the little one stops to talk to Kevin
And they all go marching in, to the womb, to surround, the egg
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
The sperm go marching eight by eight, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching eight by eight, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching eight by eight, the little one stops to find some bait
And they all go marching in, to the womb, to surround, the egg
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
The sperm go marching nine by nine, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching nine by nine, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching nine by nine, the little one stops to scout the line
And they all go marching in, to the womb, to surround, the egg
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
The sperm go marching ten by ten, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching ten by ten, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching ten by ten, the little one gets to win again!
And they all go marching in, to the womb, to surround, the egg
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
The sperm go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching one by one, the little one stops to bang a drum.
And they all go marching in, to the womb, to surround, the egg.
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
The sperm go marching two by two, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching two by two, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching two by two, the little one stops to use the loo
And they all go marching in, to the womb, to surround, the egg
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
The sperm go marching three by three, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching three by three, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching three by three, the little one stops to find his key
And they all go marching in, to the womb, to surround, the egg
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
The sperm go marching four by four, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching four by four, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching four by four, the little one stops to give a roar
And they all go marching in, to the womb, to surround, the egg
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
The sperm go marching five by five, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching five by five, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching five by five, the little one stops to do hand jive
And they all go marching in, to the womb, to surround, the egg
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
The sperm go marching six by six, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching six by six, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching six by six, the little one stops to eat some Kix
And they all go marching in, to the womb, to surround, the egg
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
The sperm go marching seven by seven, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching seven by seven, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching seven by seven, the little one stops to talk to Kevin
And they all go marching in, to the womb, to surround, the egg
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
The sperm go marching eight by eight, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching eight by eight, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching eight by eight, the little one stops to find some bait
And they all go marching in, to the womb, to surround, the egg
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
The sperm go marching nine by nine, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching nine by nine, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching nine by nine, the little one stops to scout the line
And they all go marching in, to the womb, to surround, the egg
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
The sperm go marching ten by ten, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching ten by ten, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching ten by ten, the little one gets to win again!
And they all go marching in, to the womb, to surround, the egg
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
Are You Sleeping?
This one is dedicated to my right ovary because it never produces any follicles. It was also written on Dec. 21, 2011.
Are you sleeping, are you sleeping,
Ovary? Ovary?
Where is my damn follicle?
Where is my damn follicle?
Release it please, release it please.
Are you sleeping, are you sleeping,
Ovary? Ovary?
Where is my damn follicle?
Where is my damn follicle?
Release it please, release it please.
A Tisket, A Tasket
This next one is dedicated to women who need to use Ovidrel because their follicles don't like to release the egg. It was originally written on Dec. 21, 2011.
A Tisket, A Tasket,
An ovarian basket.
I grew an egg with Letrozle,
But follie won't release it.
A Tisket, A Tasket,
An ovarian basket.
I grew an egg with Letrozle,
But follie won't release it.
STOP! Cries the Vessel (to the tune of Pop Goes the Weasel)
The phlebotomist had trouble drawing blood from me on the morning of Dec. 19, 2011 because she thinks that my veins have been pricked too many times and now they don't want to cooperate anymore. So this next rhyme is inspired by that morning.
All around the phlebotomy lab
The needle chased the vessel.
The needle thought it was all in fun,
STOP! Cries the vessel
A hundred for an HCG
A hundred for the estrogen
That's' the way the money goes,
STOP! Cries the vessel
All around the phlebotomy lab
The needle chased the vessel.
The needle thought it was all in fun,
STOP! Cries the vessel
A hundred for an HCG
A hundred for the estrogen
That's' the way the money goes,
STOP! Cries the vessel
Small, Small Blue Veins (to the tune of Baa, Baa Black Sheep)
This one goes out to anyone whose veins are troublesome for the phlebotomists. This was also written on Dec. 7, 2011.
Small, small blue veins,
Have you any blood?
No nurse, no nurse,
None for you.
There's some for the stomach,
And for the legs,
But none for the RE
Who tests everyday.
Small, small blue veins,
Have you any blood?
No nurse, no nurse,
None for you.
Small, small blue veins,
Have you any blood?
No nurse, no nurse,
None for you.
There's some for the stomach,
And for the legs,
But none for the RE
Who tests everyday.
Small, small blue veins,
Have you any blood?
No nurse, no nurse,
None for you.
Oh Where, Oh Where Have My Ovaries Gone? (to the tune of Oh Where Oh Where Has My Little Dog Gone?)
This one is dedicated to everyone in beta limbo as well as anyone who needs to take frequent blood tests because the RE is having a hard time finding the right protocol for your body. It was originally written on Dec. 3, 2011.
My RE's a vampire
He always asks for my blood
And I really hate the needles
And the early morning tests!
RE says "The level's up,"
RE says "But slowly."
"Come on back same time next week
And I MIGHT have an answer."
My RE's a vampire
He always asks for my blood
And I really hate the needles
And the early morning tests!
RE says "The level's up,"
RE says "But slowly."
"Come on back same time next week
And I MIGHT have an answer."
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