How much will that IVF cost me?
The one with my very own eggs?
How much will that IVF cost me?
I do hope you have it on sale!
Monday, May 14, 2012
Thursday, January 12, 2012
Do You Know the HPT? ( to the tune of The Muffin Man )
Do you know the HPT,
HPT, HPT
Do you know the HPT
That's from the pharmacy?
Do you want to test right now?
Test right now, test right now,
Do you want to test right now?
You're only one day late!
Yes I want to test right now,
Test right now, test right now,
Yest I want to test right now,
It's making me insane!
Go ahead pee on a stick
on a stick, on a stick
Go ahead pee on a stick
The morning is the best.
What the hell is this result?
This result, this result,
What the hell is this result?
It's not like on the box!
This looks like a light plus sign,
light plus sign, light plus sign,
This looks like a light plus sign,
Am I really pregnant?!?!?!
Ask the doc to test your blood,
test your blood, test your blood,
Ask the dock to test your blood
To find your HCG
HCG is two-o-three,
two-o-three, two-o-three,
HCG is two-o-three,
Retest it in five days.
What the hell is with this wait?
With this wait, with this wait,
What the hell is with this wait?
I wanna know RIGHT NOW!!!!
Now I'm waiting for the call,
For the call, for the call,
Now I'm waiting for the call,
Just hurry up and ring!
HCG is twelve-eighteen,
twelve-eighteen, twelve-eighteen
HCG is twelve-eighteen
It all looks really good.
Now you need to call gynie,
call gynie, call gynie,
Now you need to call gynie,
You're released from our care.
What the hell am I to do?
I to do, I to do,
What the hell am I do to
Without weekly blood tests?
You will be a normal gal,
normal gal, normal gal,
You will be a normal gal,
Who is six weeks pregnant.
HPT, HPT
Do you know the HPT
That's from the pharmacy?
Do you want to test right now?
Test right now, test right now,
Do you want to test right now?
You're only one day late!
Yes I want to test right now,
Test right now, test right now,
Yest I want to test right now,
It's making me insane!
Go ahead pee on a stick
on a stick, on a stick
Go ahead pee on a stick
The morning is the best.
What the hell is this result?
This result, this result,
What the hell is this result?
It's not like on the box!
This looks like a light plus sign,
light plus sign, light plus sign,
This looks like a light plus sign,
Am I really pregnant?!?!?!
Ask the doc to test your blood,
test your blood, test your blood,
Ask the dock to test your blood
To find your HCG
HCG is two-o-three,
two-o-three, two-o-three,
HCG is two-o-three,
Retest it in five days.
What the hell is with this wait?
With this wait, with this wait,
What the hell is with this wait?
I wanna know RIGHT NOW!!!!
Now I'm waiting for the call,
For the call, for the call,
Now I'm waiting for the call,
Just hurry up and ring!
HCG is twelve-eighteen,
twelve-eighteen, twelve-eighteen
HCG is twelve-eighteen
It all looks really good.
Now you need to call gynie,
call gynie, call gynie,
Now you need to call gynie,
You're released from our care.
What the hell am I to do?
I to do, I to do,
What the hell am I do to
Without weekly blood tests?
You will be a normal gal,
normal gal, normal gal,
You will be a normal gal,
Who is six weeks pregnant.
The Testing Dance ( to the tune of The Mulberry Bush )
Here we go 'round the testing dance,
the testing dance, the testing dance,
Here we go 'round the testing dance,
So early in the morning.
the testing dance, the testing dance,
Here we go 'round the testing dance,
So early in the morning.
Come, Come, Beta Test ( to the tune of Rain, Rain Go Away )
Come, come, beta test,
Make my worries go to rest.
Come, come ultrasound,
Make my worries go to ground.
Make my worries go to rest.
Come, come ultrasound,
Make my worries go to ground.
Thursday, December 22, 2011
The Infertility 12 Days of Christmas
So since Christmas is coming I composed The IF 12 Days of Christmas this morning. I hope this helps to cheer you up.
On the first day of Christmas, my RE gave to me: a bill for an HSG.
On the second day of Christmas, my RE gave to me: 2 follicles and a bill for an HSG.
On the third day of Christmas, my RE gave to me: 3 ultrasounds, 2 follicles, and a bill for an HSG.
On the fourth day of Christmas, my RE gave to me: 4 Ovidrels, 3 ultrasounds, 2 follicles, and a bill for an HSG.
On the fifth day of Christmas, my RE gave to me: FIVE LAB WORK BILLS, 4 Ovidrels, 3 ultrasounds, 2 follicles, and a bill for an HSG.
On the sixth day of Christmas, my RE gave to me: 6 Letrozoles, FIVE LAB WORK BILLS, 4 Ovidrels, 3 ultrasounds, 2 follicles, and a bill for an HSG.
On the seventh day of Christmas, my RE gave to me: 7 blood test scars, 6 Letrozoles, FIVE LAB WORK BILLS, 4 Ovidrels, 3 ultrasounds, 2 follicles, and a bill for an HSG.
On the eighth of Christmas, my RE gave to me: 8 packs of Clomid, 7 blood test scars, 6 Letrozoles, FIVE LAB WORK BILLS, 4 Ovidrels, 3 ultrasounds, 2 follicles, and a bill for an HSG.
On the ninth day of Christmas, my RE gave to me: 9 bags of Crinone, 8 packs of Clomid, 7 blood test scars, 6 Letrozoles, FIVE LAB WORK BILLS, 4 Ovidrels, 3 ultrasounds, 2 follicles, and a bill for an HSG.
On the tenth day of Christmas, my RE gave to me: 10 sperm reports, 9 bags of Crinone, 8 packs of Clomid, 7 blood test scars, 6 Letrozoles, FIVE LAB WORK BILLS, 4 Ovidrels, 3 ultrasounds, 2 follicles, and a bill for an HSG.
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my RE gave to me: 11 Follistims, 10 sperm reports, 9 bags of Crinone, 8 packs of Clomid, 7 blood test scars, 6 Letrozoles, FIVE LAB WORK BILLS, 4 Ovidrels, 3 ultrasounds, 2 follicles, and a bill for an HSG.
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my RE gave to me: 12 Metformin pills, 11 Follistims, 10 sperm reports, 9 bags of Crinone, 8 packs of Clomid, 7 blood test scars, 6 Letrozoles, FIVE LAB WORK BILLS, 4 Ovidrels, 3 ultrasounds, 2 follicles, and A BILL FOR AN HSG!
If you want a happier ending someone suggested this line to me:
On the thirteenth day of Christmas, my RE gave to me: a beautiful, healthy baby!
On the first day of Christmas, my RE gave to me: a bill for an HSG.
On the second day of Christmas, my RE gave to me: 2 follicles and a bill for an HSG.
On the third day of Christmas, my RE gave to me: 3 ultrasounds, 2 follicles, and a bill for an HSG.
On the fourth day of Christmas, my RE gave to me: 4 Ovidrels, 3 ultrasounds, 2 follicles, and a bill for an HSG.
On the fifth day of Christmas, my RE gave to me: FIVE LAB WORK BILLS, 4 Ovidrels, 3 ultrasounds, 2 follicles, and a bill for an HSG.
On the sixth day of Christmas, my RE gave to me: 6 Letrozoles, FIVE LAB WORK BILLS, 4 Ovidrels, 3 ultrasounds, 2 follicles, and a bill for an HSG.
On the seventh day of Christmas, my RE gave to me: 7 blood test scars, 6 Letrozoles, FIVE LAB WORK BILLS, 4 Ovidrels, 3 ultrasounds, 2 follicles, and a bill for an HSG.
On the eighth of Christmas, my RE gave to me: 8 packs of Clomid, 7 blood test scars, 6 Letrozoles, FIVE LAB WORK BILLS, 4 Ovidrels, 3 ultrasounds, 2 follicles, and a bill for an HSG.
On the ninth day of Christmas, my RE gave to me: 9 bags of Crinone, 8 packs of Clomid, 7 blood test scars, 6 Letrozoles, FIVE LAB WORK BILLS, 4 Ovidrels, 3 ultrasounds, 2 follicles, and a bill for an HSG.
On the tenth day of Christmas, my RE gave to me: 10 sperm reports, 9 bags of Crinone, 8 packs of Clomid, 7 blood test scars, 6 Letrozoles, FIVE LAB WORK BILLS, 4 Ovidrels, 3 ultrasounds, 2 follicles, and a bill for an HSG.
On the eleventh day of Christmas, my RE gave to me: 11 Follistims, 10 sperm reports, 9 bags of Crinone, 8 packs of Clomid, 7 blood test scars, 6 Letrozoles, FIVE LAB WORK BILLS, 4 Ovidrels, 3 ultrasounds, 2 follicles, and a bill for an HSG.
On the twelfth day of Christmas, my RE gave to me: 12 Metformin pills, 11 Follistims, 10 sperm reports, 9 bags of Crinone, 8 packs of Clomid, 7 blood test scars, 6 Letrozoles, FIVE LAB WORK BILLS, 4 Ovidrels, 3 ultrasounds, 2 follicles, and A BILL FOR AN HSG!
If you want a happier ending someone suggested this line to me:
On the thirteenth day of Christmas, my RE gave to me: a beautiful, healthy baby!
The Sperm Go Marching (to the tune of The Ants Go Marching)
I started writing this on Dec. 21, 2011 and I finished it today.
The sperm go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching one by one, the little one stops to bang a drum.
And they all go marching in, to the womb, to surround, the egg.
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
The sperm go marching two by two, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching two by two, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching two by two, the little one stops to use the loo
And they all go marching in, to the womb, to surround, the egg
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
The sperm go marching three by three, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching three by three, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching three by three, the little one stops to find his key
And they all go marching in, to the womb, to surround, the egg
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
The sperm go marching four by four, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching four by four, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching four by four, the little one stops to give a roar
And they all go marching in, to the womb, to surround, the egg
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
The sperm go marching five by five, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching five by five, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching five by five, the little one stops to do hand jive
And they all go marching in, to the womb, to surround, the egg
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
The sperm go marching six by six, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching six by six, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching six by six, the little one stops to eat some Kix
And they all go marching in, to the womb, to surround, the egg
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
The sperm go marching seven by seven, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching seven by seven, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching seven by seven, the little one stops to talk to Kevin
And they all go marching in, to the womb, to surround, the egg
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
The sperm go marching eight by eight, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching eight by eight, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching eight by eight, the little one stops to find some bait
And they all go marching in, to the womb, to surround, the egg
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
The sperm go marching nine by nine, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching nine by nine, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching nine by nine, the little one stops to scout the line
And they all go marching in, to the womb, to surround, the egg
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
The sperm go marching ten by ten, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching ten by ten, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching ten by ten, the little one gets to win again!
And they all go marching in, to the womb, to surround, the egg
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
The sperm go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching one by one, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching one by one, the little one stops to bang a drum.
And they all go marching in, to the womb, to surround, the egg.
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
The sperm go marching two by two, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching two by two, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching two by two, the little one stops to use the loo
And they all go marching in, to the womb, to surround, the egg
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
The sperm go marching three by three, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching three by three, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching three by three, the little one stops to find his key
And they all go marching in, to the womb, to surround, the egg
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
The sperm go marching four by four, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching four by four, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching four by four, the little one stops to give a roar
And they all go marching in, to the womb, to surround, the egg
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
The sperm go marching five by five, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching five by five, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching five by five, the little one stops to do hand jive
And they all go marching in, to the womb, to surround, the egg
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
The sperm go marching six by six, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching six by six, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching six by six, the little one stops to eat some Kix
And they all go marching in, to the womb, to surround, the egg
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
The sperm go marching seven by seven, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching seven by seven, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching seven by seven, the little one stops to talk to Kevin
And they all go marching in, to the womb, to surround, the egg
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
The sperm go marching eight by eight, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching eight by eight, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching eight by eight, the little one stops to find some bait
And they all go marching in, to the womb, to surround, the egg
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
The sperm go marching nine by nine, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching nine by nine, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching nine by nine, the little one stops to scout the line
And they all go marching in, to the womb, to surround, the egg
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
The sperm go marching ten by ten, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching ten by ten, hurrah, hurrah
The sperm go marching ten by ten, the little one gets to win again!
And they all go marching in, to the womb, to surround, the egg
BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! BOOM!
Are You Sleeping?
This one is dedicated to my right ovary because it never produces any follicles. It was also written on Dec. 21, 2011.
Are you sleeping, are you sleeping,
Ovary? Ovary?
Where is my damn follicle?
Where is my damn follicle?
Release it please, release it please.
Are you sleeping, are you sleeping,
Ovary? Ovary?
Where is my damn follicle?
Where is my damn follicle?
Release it please, release it please.
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